Meeting with the Social Worker for the first time

    PART ONE

      Well, today we meet with the school social worker for the first time and I am a bag of nerves. I had bad dreams all night long, dreams about the social worker telling me that I am a horrible mom, that my son does have autism and I caused it, many different dreams but they all came back to the same thing, my sons autism is entirely my fault.
     Now, rationally I know that his autism isn't my fault, but there is still that little voice that says "this is your fault".  That voice that chides me for being in denial for so long, the voice that wonders how his teachers, and speech therapists didn't see it, or saw it and let it slide.  Today is not a good day to be in my head.
     I was doing so great with cutting back on smoking cigs and was nearly quit...Now, I am back up to a pack a day, and I feel it, boy do I feel it.  I wish I could be like those supermoms I read about, the ones who never sweat, the ones who have autism under control and are never overwhelmed or fearful.  Often I feel like a failure for crying at the end of the day or asking for help.  I often feel like I want to put Monkey in a protective ball and keep all of the negative people and comments away from him.
     I don't know what will happen today, I don't know what to expect.  I am afraid, afraid of it all.  I wonder if the supermoms have ever felt this way...
    

PART TWO

     The meeting went well, and the nervousness passed!  There were so many questions to answer.  Like, how well does he sleep?  How does he get along with peers?  How does he deal with changes to his routine?  The list went on and on and we were in with her for an hour.  It would have been longer but we filled out the packets ourselves before the meeting. She will be calling us sometime next week with follow-up questions and tomorrow he will be evaluated to see how he interacts with other kids.  Thankfully, he has no idea that the school psychologist will be watching him or the melt down would be extreme!

     After the meeting we went for a ride to the beach to watch some big waves, and then to Ihop for a bite to eat (I hadn't eat all day because I was so nervous about the meeting).  Then we came home to do our schoolwork for the day.

     As soon as we walked in the door, poor Monkey had a meltdown and was yelling at his dad and crying.  Thankfully he was able to calm down and we got the important things accomplished.  The biggest thing I have learned, is that I cannot stress when things don't get accomplished and to prioritize all activities, even laundry and grocery shopping!  The MOST important things are making sure that Monkey knows how special he is, that we are ALWAYS here for him and making sure he is on task with his school work.

      I just want to thank you all again for taking this journey with us!  Together we are NOT alone!