Bad days...

     Today Monkey had to go to the district offices for what his school calls "Live Days", it is a one day a week where the teacher spends an hour bringing the kids up to speed on the new common core requirements which they are tested 4 times, this year they have these common core exams and FCATS, not fair, but hey what can you do?  Normally, I don't make Monkey attend these lessons and instead run them myself at home to save him the anxiety and inevitable meltdown.  Today was special, he was to be observed interacting with his classmates, and I am so proud of him for being so willing to go.  He did tell me, "Mom, I'm feeling a million different things."right before we went into the building.  He almost  made it through the whole hour but then got very overwhelmed and was brought out to us.  As soon as he saw us he burst into tears.  Our long day then began. 
     As I write this it is 3:42pm and he is in his room feeling bad and not talking to us.  He is very upset and although he tells us he is upset with us, we know that he really isn't, that he is indeed upset that he is overwhelmed and he is tired of feeling as he puts it "different than everyone else".  I know that I am not alone in the meltdowns that bring about sayings such as "I hate myself", "Why was I born", "I want you to go away", and so on...
     Monkey fully understands that he isn't like everyone else, what he doesn't understand is that he is absolutely perfect just the way he is!  He doesn't understand why other kids have to be so hurtful and call him names.  He doesn't understand why it is so hard for him to make and/or keep friends.  He doesn't understand why he doesn't excel at sports, or why he can't seem to learn to ride a bike.  He does understand that he is loving, and caring and so willing to try. 
     I feel blessed to be invited into his private world, that place where he is completely him and he lets loose and sings, and dances and is happy.  I am heartbroken when I see him hold back, hang his head, withdraw, become sad and cry.  Sometimes this journey is fun, exciting, and magical.  At other times it is painful and lonely for all of us.  It's during these times that we need to talk to one another, or write, or go for a long walk, we must do something to get through the bad moments, so that we can come back with a brave smile and remind our kids that they are truly amazing, and they don't need to change!