The final diagnosis

     Well, yesterday we had our eligibility meeting with the school district.  We all knew what was coming and I really thought I had prepared myself and was good with everything.  They said that my precious Monkey Boy is autistic, and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.  I cried and asked "what did I do wrong?"  I keep coming back to that, I must have done something to make him this way, I have failed him.  Then I think, how could I have failed him when he is so absolutely amazing?
     Monkey Boy feels that he is abnormal, and needs to be fixed.  I keep telling him that he isn't broken, that he is perfectly, perfect just as he is and I wouldn't want him any other way.  After all, if I were to change his autism, I would change who he is at his core and that would destroy me!  I LOVE his personality, his quirkiness, his silliness, his enjoyment in the little things.
     Our next step is an IEP meeting in 2 weeks, and then setting up OT, which I think will be amazing for him and us!  We already have family counseling, and his dad I will be starting individual counseling soon.  Monkey isn't comfortable with individual counseling yet, so we are sticking to family for now.  So far counseling has been amazing and the counselor is even willing to come to the house!  We are going to be looking into getting Monkey a weighted blanket and see if that helps him to sleep in his room throughout the night.  We are also going to look into medication to help with his anxiety and sleep problems.  We are ready to start this journey and help him make all of his dreams come true.
     I just wonder how many other moms and/or dads had the initial feeling that they somehow were to blame, and had in some way failed their child(ren)?  How did you deal with it?
     I'm sorry that this blog is so short, I am just feeling really overwhelmed and trying to sort it all out, and not let Monkey Boy see me sweat.  That is a HUGE thing, if he sees that I am upset, then he will be upset and that is the last thing I want.


Thanks again for joining me on this journey, as always I am extremely grateful for your input and support!